(Warning: Lengthy, emotional and venting post)
I cannot believe that in a few hours, I will officially turn 29! I don’t have much excitement today, because what I want more than anything is to see my family, which just isn’t possible. Thanks to yet another variant of covid, the trip that has been postponed for almost two years has never felt further away. This is the longest that I have ever gone without seeing my family. It’s tough trying to maintain those close relationships when I am constantly reminded of how far away they are from me. Every video call I have with them creates such intense emotions, that I fall into a black hole of depression for days afterwards. I essentially avoid Facebook completely, because every time I log in, I notice yet another milestone that I missed. I mean, I haven’t even met Kayla’s first long-term partner. And I know my parents and siblings struggle just as much as I do I am fortunate to have amazing in-laws in Christine and Rich. I am grateful that they have welcomed me and continue to welcome me into the family.
I remember the days in my early twenties, when I was sitting in Wian AND Jaco’s apartment with Michael-Vincent and Nadia, listening to Fleetwood Mac and drinking brandy and coke. I didn’t have any responsibilities, and I didn’t have anyone who depended on me. Life was so much easier back then. Now I am a husband to the most amazing wife, a father to the most beautiful daughter, and a step-father to two beautiful kids. I am a 4.0 honors student, an employee with a steady income, and a homeowner. My life has changed a lot in the last 8 years, most of those changes happening after moving to the US.
I still struggle to teach my daughter to speak Afrikaans. My failure in this is just another reminder of how alone I feel here sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, I have a fantastic life with ample opportunities that I never would’ve had in South Africa. I am well on my way of achieving my academic goals. It is crazy to think that, in less than 5 years from now, I will have my doctorate in psychology. Dr. Edwin Buys definitely has a nice ring to it. Most importantly, I have the most beautiful soul on this planet as a wife. Thank you Amanda for supporting me in everything that I do and continuing to stand by me through all the difficulties. I can confidently say that you and our marriage is by far the strongest and most important thing in my life. I would not give it up for anything. Although there are parts of our marriage that might seem very unconventional according to “societal norms”, it works for us, and that’s the most important part.
I have a lot of intense emotions tonight. There are so few songs that I can listen to without associating it with my family. Everyone assumes that moving to the States means becoming a part of “the land of opportunity”, but no one talks about the life you leave behind, the people back home who slowly forget about you, and the milestones you miss every year.