So it’s been 2 full years since I moved to the States. A plan that initially involved me visiting for six months ended up becoming my new forever-home.
After two years, it’s still a daily adjustment. In two years I have gone from being a visitor, to being an overnight parent to two kids, to being engaged, to being married, to finding out that I will be having my first blood baby, to getting my work authorization, to getting my greencard. We have steadily moved at our own pace, doing what we felt was right, and making decisions according to what has been needed.
Going two years without medical insurance has been a massive struggle. And although I know that there were occasions where I could have just added myself to an affordable insurance, there was always something more important. An overdue bill, gas in the car, food, daycare. I am optimistic that we finally have this issue sorted out on the 1st of November. It’s a big relief.
In two years we have gone from being financially stable, to crashing, to building back up to where we are now. We have been responsible when needed, always attempting to take the steps needed to move forward financially.
In two years we have had multiple occasions where we almost gave up on each other. Where we almost called it quits, usually because of cultural differences. That term is an exhausting one in our relationship. South African culture and American culture are as close to each other as salt is to sugar. We have different beliefs, different morals, different priorities, different concepts of “Living the dream”. All things considered, I feel like I have adjusted myself pretty well to the conditions of living in the US. I have accepted the experiences here.
Other than getting married and having children, my biggest achievement thus far is having the ability to further my studies. I have officially been enrolled into a college here in the States. On Monday I will be registering for classes, and in January I officially begin my Spring Semester. I will be studying Human services, which is only my first step to Family and Sexual psychology. I am unbelievably excited to start classes.
My mental health has been my biggest concern the past two years. I have suffered from seasonal, situational and possibly even chronic depression. I have suffered from anxiety, panic attacks, self harm, anger issues and I have even felt suicidal at times. I understand that many people do not understand how mental health works, and many people consider it being “All in my head”. But I can assure you that to me all of it has been very real. I have taken many steps towards bettering myself, and every step forward is a victory.
My first job in the States was as a sales associate at Bed Bath and Beyond. Even though I wouldn’t consider it to be the best job I ever had, I learned a lot. It pushed me out of my comfort zone, and forced me to socialize with employees and customers. About 6 months ago I started working as a driver and prep-chef at a restaurant and pizzeria. Both of these were jobs I never in a million years thought I would be a part of. But I enjoy where I work now. No company is perfect, but I know what is expected of me, and I do my job to the best of my ability.
About 5 months ago we started a small-time company called PokéBuys collectibles, specializing in Pokémon products. It has been a struggle to get our name out there, but for being 5 months old, we have moved forward really well. It takes time to build an empire.
Before moving to the States, I barely even knew how to bake an egg. I have self-taught myself to cook food, some basic, some not so basic. I enjoy making food when I know what I am making. But figuring out what’s for dinner is a daily struggle, one that I tend to lose.
I have gone two years with no power outages and no internet interruptions. I have seen maybe 4 car accidents, which is really strange considering that half of Minnesota has no idea what to do the moment white stuff falls to the ground.
I have gotten used to feeling safe. So much so that I forgot how dangerous South Africa is when we went to visit in March. The kids can play outside in the back yard without needing to constantly worry about something happening to them. Even though the States has its fair share of kidnappings, murders, etc, we have a functional and active police force. A force that knows what their jobs are, and for the most part does it really well.
I still miss my family every day, still wish all of us could be together every day. I still miss the Disney marathons, the midnight trips to McDonald’s, the loud and obnoxious road trips, the family gatherings, the active and present support system provided by having a big family circle. It’s hard raising three kids when you have a circle of 2 or 3 people. It’s unfair to so heavily rely on 2 or 3 people to help out when things go South, or when something requires urgent attention. But my wife and I have coped, and the support that we have received from her dad and step-mom is more than we can ever show appreciation for. Building a village is hard, building a reliable village is impossible. Finding people with similar interests, similar schedules and similar lifestyles is yet to seem viable.
I have grown as an individual. I have adapted and changed in so many ways. Some days I wing it, and other days I know exactly what I’m doing. Some days I can take on the entire world, and other days changing a diaper seems like a mountain to climb.
I love my kids. I love my wife more than I have loved anyone. If I could go back, I would not change a thing. I am happy, even on the the days when I’m not. I can not imagine a world in which my wife isn’t in it. I am as in love as I was the day I met her, if not more.
It has been one hell of a ride. Life tends to throw obstacles our way to see if we still have the reflexes to push through it.